2006 Rockem Sockem Preview.
Rockem Sockem V, it smells so ludicrous up in here up in here. Or maybe that was DMX, I am like the Beastie Boys we don’t listen to no hippyhoppy nowadaze. Anyway, we pimped out and tricked out in the 06 for RSV, and there ain’t no stopping us now. We have crossed the level of fun league to complete obsession and it feels really really comfy like two old sweaters…that are fucking.
You each got a little preview of how this preview is working (that sentence is bizarre). I started writing long intricate previews of the first team, and I had an idea how to get your input, and still give mine. So I wrote Intro and/or Outro paragraphs before reading the responses to the questions I sent you…eerie how sometimes things worked out, sometimes we repeat the same thoughts. (Hit the Twilight Zone Music…and pinball game).
I also decided to swing the question way because I seriously wanted to write a book about the draft, but thankfully Moon’s Bachelor Party happened and now both weekends are swimming together in my dome piece, now I am going to write a mini-series on both trips instead, but one that needs to air on HBO, just too raw and psychedelic for primetime. “Desperate Baseball Nerd Player Swap on Lost Island Soprano Style” is the working title.
Our longest draft since our inception saw an Irish Parade on a Boardwalk (a week too early), rounds of jager bombs, and me drafting a third baseman not even in the league. At least the Hinske pick was still the worst one ever…wait I made that one too. Uggh. Vig still lives in a phone, Eben still smokes like a champ, and Bull for once remained pretty much stunned in the draft room, uttering minimal references to old tv shows. AC was a knock out and the teams show it, things are scattered players are question marks all over the joint, but I think this has less to do with our draft then with the current state of baseball. There is a new breeze a blowin’ and it shifted a bit with this draft but I predict Rockem Sockem VI to contain a LOT more surprise picks of younger players, both early and often.
The times they are a changing, and with that we delve into the team by team preview.
Bull Walters, A-rod in Toms Mouth-
The champ from last year returns to obtain the reigning MVP with the first overall pick. It sounds rigged, and it was…no not really I just had a bit of Oyster Juice on my hands when I pulled his name out of my hat, and my hand slipped to the ballerina of all players Dennis. That is the first time I think I called him Dennis. After winning last year and drafting two pitchers in rounds 1 and 2 he went away from that plan, not taking a pitcher till the 5th and a starter until the 6th. With his two aces starting the year on the DL or at least close to it Bull will have to rely on his bats for a hot start and hope some guys like Petitte can hold till Sheets and Prior return. I will give my prediction on this squad (and the others) after we see the Questions:
1. Was it a Tough choice deciding between A-Rod and Pujols and as a second part to this, how did you like having the 1st pick?
No...you can't go wrong with either guy....I hate the Yankees but
they are on tv every game so at least I can watch.
The 1st pick sucks. A lot of guys fell past where the should have
been drafted and then by the 24th pick everything evens out again.
You just can't even guess who's gonna be there, especially when no
one went pitcher crazy.
2. Who was better in their prime, Al Bumbry or Curtis 'Booger' Armstrong?
(With finger turning in nose) I don't know!
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best: Grabbing 6 Relievers
Worst: Grabbing 6 Relievers (no way Nathan, Foulke, Valverde,
Orvella) rack up saves like Wickman, Chad Cordero, Lyon, and Ryan did
last year.
Actually who knows. Forget that Victor Martinez.....if I knew Mauer
would go in the 7th Round....I would have waited and grabbed Peavy or
Helton.
I actually am fine w/ Prior and Sheets. Roll of the dice.....but
they always pitch well when they play. Bruce Chen available?
4. Tell the truth was HOTS your favorite part of the trip?
No....Jay Moon's head is too effin big....couldn't see the tv!
Eating Crablegs at Hooters for breakfast was a special
treat...however I think Chad's (was that the douche's name)
hospitality on the way up took the cake.
Commish Predicktion- I think Bull slides this year, I just don’t see this team doing all that well I predict bottom 3rd of the league (9-12), but I also picked him to finish 7th last year so what do I know?
Jay A. Moon, Ephedraheartstoppers
So he pre-gamed his Bachelor party with a trip to AC to scout out the hot spots, and I think he stayed in after the marathon draft, good thing he saved his energy, last week was brutal on the Bachelor. He scored big with the large Pu-Pu in Saint Louis, some home town love with Reyes, and big hunk of cheese with his heartthrob Jason Varitek. If the AL east arms of Cabrera and Burnett produce like they are projected they might cushion the crushing blows that Dontrelle is currently serving up this spring…yikes, I hope for that sweaty kids sake he pulls it together.
Jay, like Bull, seemed a little in awe of the early pick and the swing, he had decent draft, and some odd choices, lets get to the questions…I will quit my yapping:
1.Compare the two AC trips*or do you plead the 5th?
I have to say that the most recent trip was better, but who can blame
me, it was my bachelor party and I had more ties in my face then
there were rounds in the draft. Oh and I was able to stay up for both
nights this past weekend. When in AC I am more of a casino gambling
man...I need the artificial air and adrenalin pumping of rolling the
point in craps. Wasn't feeling that love weekend one and my old bones
took over. Not saying I need to be the center of attention, just that I
was so pumped for weekend #2 that during weekend #1 I kept saying, I'll
be back in 2 weeks, so it took away its luster.....now the ride to and
from AC was definitely better weekend #1.
2.In the past you sometimes went bat heavy, in the Havana Room you went
P,P,P,P rounds 4 thru 8 any change in strategy or just the way the
cookie crumbled?
Actually, round 7 was Hank Blalock, so not so bad, but still very
a-typical. I definitely did more "research" this year and was more
effected by others picks than in past years. I had a few goals in this
years draft 1. Get a high pick and be sure to use it properly (Pujolos)
2. Don't draft injury prone players (Bonds, Rolen, Sexson, C. Guillen
etc...over the years injuries have killed me) 3. Big Steals and Big
Saves (Reyes / Frac Rod) 4. Experiment with young talent (D. Young and
F. Lirano, but missed out on Howard, Fielder, Weeks and others)
3.Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Worst pick based on position was Chris Young (round 21)...because Bull
then took a heartstopper regular, Scott Shields and by far a great
vulture win player and actually might have more wins then Young
depending on his season. I totally would have been able to get Young on
the way back. I did end up with Brazoban and hopefully Gange goes down
again. I've also already dropped three players, so they can be
considered bad picks as well (Monroe, Gathright and DeJesus)
Best pick is Reyes. Yes it's round 2 and all picks should be great, but
locking down steals is a welcomed relief. Oh, and I actually get to root
for a Met in fantasy. I don't have to switch to channel 120 ESPNews
every 5 minutes to see the bottom line and how my players are doing
while watching the Mets game, I can be satisfied to see the drag leadoff
bunt and 2 pitches later be on 3rd, sac fly, Mets WIN, Mets WIN!!!
4.Are those kids from Iowa actually your cousins or just some of the
craziest people you could find and figured they would spice up your
bachelor party (feel free to tell a story for the boys who missed them)?
My three cousins Matt, Jason and Greg from Iowa are actual blood
relatives. They are crazy, sometimes annoying, but sure do know how to
have a good time. There are so many stories to tell...but here are some
highlights. Chugging Captain from the bottle like he was in a Diet Coke
commercial at 10:00AM, "Just for the Taste of It!" ...Playing $400 hands
at single deck blackjack and $50 for the dealer and hitting Blackjack as
the crowd goes wild and the whole casino goes silent. In the cab from
club back to Taj telling the cab driver that if he turned around he
would see the two guys with him giving him a BJ, and he would pay him
$20 if he would just say 1 word (I wasn't there but you should get full
details from Don) and last but not least hustling $320 in welfare money
from a crack head at pool. Ship the Cheese.
That's all I got. Gotta get back to work.
Good Times, Good Times. J
Couldn’t have said it better myself Mr. Moon, Good Times, Good Times, the Back to Back AC trips I was dreading at first, and my wallet is still dreading, but I gotta say I had an absolute blast both weekends, and even sitting here now I can’t decide which was better, Props to your bro Jess for setting it up, props to all the peeps who made it down 1 of the 2 weekends and special props to the killers and 100 dollar billers who swung both trips. (Yes I just patted Fatty Mike Jay and myself on the back we are rockstars), As for your team, I like your solid approach, I don’t like your MI’s, and I think the staff may be shaky.
Commish Predicktion- Happy Birthday, merry Christmas, Congrats on Bach Party and wedding and oh yeah, free food (1-4)
Tom Gallagher, Ellen is a Beard
Well in opening up this Word document (which contains last year’s predictions as well) I noticed a trend…I like the way Gallagher drafts. I predicted him to win last years league and believe it or not, from the draft I am predicting him to win this years league as well. HA! TWO JINX’S IN A ROW SUCKER!!!! NO CHANCE YOU WIN NOW!
Glad I got that out of the way…There was a rumor that Tom has not taken off his Rockem Sockem Jersey since draft day, yet he has washed it 4 times. Maybe just a rumor or maybe Tom sleeps at an all night Bar/Laundromat, not so far fetched is it…well maybe the “sleep” part. I guess it comes down to this Tom, needs bounce back years from key guys, Thome, Schilling etc and I think he will get it. Now if they bounce back like cinder blocks off the Brooklyn Bridge well, he will he have to pony up the dough for dinner…Since we will be going to Chucky Cheese.
I think from top to bottom in the draft Tom’s team looks the most well rounded, but you know 1 injury to 1 key guy and it screws you, like Tom screws bartenders/chicks who are living with boyfriends/and….err…on to the questions!
1. By what date do you foresee a straight up Peavy for Halladay deal?
Approximately 48 hours before it is announced that Halladay is out
for the remainder of the year, virtually knocking you out of dinner
contention. God, Winston's so stupid!!!! What an asshole!!! (This isn't
going to be posted, right?)
2. People are saying your team looks to be the best on paper, how do you respond to that?
Fantasy baseball isn't played on paper. It's played on Fantasy.
That's we play the fake games. That being said, I think my fantasy
little squad of fantasy men that exist only in our heads looks pretty
good, but not so much better than anyone's else fake team. If hit with a
major injury, I just hope that I can fake sign a garden gnome or forest
nymph to fill the fantastical void.
Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best pick and worst pick could be the same guy. If Thome stays
healthy and remotely approaches his past stature, then I got a steal.
Same could be said of Schilling. Nook Logan may not have been such a
great pick since he may not even be starting. But all in all, it's hard
for me to say that any pick that I've made is that bad as long as they
don't die half way through the season. The baseball DL is one thing, but
planet Earth's??? Tough for a team to recover. That being said, Daryl
Kile still gave me better fantasy stats than Edwin Jackson ever did for
anyone.
4. You seem to be a lighting rod for team names, do you attribute that to your wise ass attitude or your flowing blond locks?
It's hard to say...no it isn't. Bull clearly has an unhealthy
obsession with me. I think it has to do with my knowledge of various has
beens such as Sixto Lezcano and Gary Rajsich. I would be pretty
confident in saying that he's constantly thinking about me and making a
reference to me in his team name is his way of trying to get closer.
It's sad, really. I would bet that he sits at home watching "Dickie
Roberts: Former Child Star" repeatedly as a cheap replacement, although
I can't imagine he can get through the opening credits without giggling
uncontrollably once he sees the word "Dickie" on his screen.
McNally on the other hand is just misguided. He doesn't have the
passion to win. His only goal is to beat me. He doesn't have his eye on
the big prize. There's no fire in the belly. This lack of focus causes
him to skip over David Ortiz and forget that saves is a category every
year. Don's got himself a good head of hair, so it can't be the blonde
locks....though that could be cited as another reason for Bull.
Ahhh, I think there is supreme fodder here for new team names…
Commish Perdicktion- Two Years running I give you the preseason node…Your welcome (1-4)
John Ferrari, Torre A New One
John sweeks to avoid the whammy that I am placing on Tom for the second year in a row, by proclaiming he has a good team…mission accomplished. Just call me Not-sold-on-Chone-HATE-Sheff-One-Year-Wonder-Andruw-Hate him too Donohue and you will see why. Are they going to be bad fantasy players, probably not, but I hate those dudes and thus pray to Hey-Zeus that they fail. This takes nothing away from the great chilling last weekend, it’s strictly professional, but the issues stated above and the aces of Patterson and Lackey I am just not going to wager money on the Torries, I would rather bet on a The Whig Party….anyone anyone?!? Ah forget it. I all ready stated my onions, so lets move to the questions:
1. I use to put the whammy on your team by saying you had a good draft, I feel a bit different this year, does that give you hope of bringing home the Rockem Sockem Gold Cup?
I would have to say that this year would be my best team that I have
drafted to date and coupled with the fact that you don't think my team
is good should mean that Torre has the bar set high for excellence.
2. If you were forced to choose at gun point: Justice for All or Master of Puppets?
Master of Puppets, start to finish best album they put out. (COMMISH NOTE: This is the Right answer by the way.)
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best Picks: A Jones & G Sheffield
Worst: Not drafting a SS
4. Who do you think is winning the Stanley Cup? And where we watching it?
Ottawa
Bluesmoke - with St. Louis style ribs (COMMISH NOTE #2, these answers are correct as well.)
2 correct answers J-Fer, but unfortunately I am in disagreement that this is your best drafted team, but we will see who is right come September. We can ague before then when the Mets whoop it up on your braves at Shea.
Commish Perdicktion- Bottom of the League (9-12)
Don McNally, Beat Gallagher
I just typed your name into the file and Little Ghost by the White Stripes starts in the background. A sign for sure, but what kind of sign? Is your team not going to do much to please you and finish in last? Are you going to cast a spell and slide into first place thus telling the rest of the league to get behind you Satan? So many questions…speaking of questions I will jump to yours early and give you my ass-essment after them…Hold it now Hold it now…HIT IT!
1. Please explain your nickname Beaver, from your own point of view.
For the record, you're really out doing yourself this year, Commish... That
being said:
I don't know how it happened exactly, but it was on the Limo ride down.
Moon made some sort of Beaver reference (probably inspired by HOTS) and it
amused me in both the way he said it and the fact that I didn't think anyone
really used that as a term to refer to the female genitalia anymore... Next
thing I know, the league is calling me "Beaver". That's my point of view on
the subject but it could be slightly off considering all the alcohol
consumption.
2. No Olerud, No Chase Utley, is this why you put your team in the Lords hands, or is there an early favorite for Captain out there?
Good question. With my lack of a closer, I figured I'd be getting some
"Don, who's saving games for you?" questions. So, my answer is "Jesus
saves?". I put my faith in the Lord. Finishing touches on CHRIST FIELD are
happening as we speak. BTW, choosing a team captain for me is like thee song
of the summer... Everyone is eligible... I don't pick one, it just happens.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
I'm proud of getting Helton where I did, third round. I think that might
be my best pick.
I don't think this was my worst pick (there were so many), but taking King
Felix Hernandez where I did (4th round) was both early and risky.
4. Can you please perform Angel in the Centerfold at the midseason party, or at least bring some angels..or shots?
YES!! I will definitely perform Angel is a Centerfold at the midseason
party! As for bring Angels... Do we mean actual celestial angels? Anaheim
Angels? ... Or Charlie's Angels? Either way we should all drink shots.
I concur with that last sentence. But with your first one be warned...Flattery will get you everywhere, I changed my mind MCNALLY’S WINNING THE LEAGUE!!!!!
All right now that the laughs have subsided lets get too it, your squad looks like a Connect Four board with a game only just starting…lots of holes. I was going to drop a g@ng b@ng line in there, but nothing seemed to fit (Drumroll…..Cymbal crash!). As it’s been mentioned you have a real phobia for closers, but a real taste for the big power hitters, I am sold on a bounce back for Helton this year myself and was dreaming he would come back to me in the 3rd round so nice grab. The King is a great pick…for next year, but it is going to be so fun the 2 times you actually stay up to watch him pitch on the west coast…he is exciting, I would be more worried about the early Penny grab. Drafting everyone named Lopez was a little shaky, just thank god that Albie Lopez is out of the league. I hope Jesus can save because we know he can’t hit a curve ball, Don I hate to drop ya down in the pre ranks but I’m gonna….
Commish Predicktion- Bottom 1/3rd (9-12)
Jeffrey Winston, Zedmores Poles
Good to see the Poles back in action, Sadtay it’s ok, but Winston Zedmore has seen shit that will turn you white! Him and his fellow ghost busters were probably chasing Slimer around the Tropicana while Eben and Winston were arguing stocks and bonds over scotch. Credit must also be given to the younger stronger and more strapping lad Winston for staying up longer then his room sharing Commish both nights, here here pilgrim, lets see if you can keep that record going when we cross the pond for the next stop on the never ending freakouts known as Bachelor Parties.
Winston went his normal route sticking to his guns with the swing pick and picking offense, but this year the league threw a bit of a curve at him by laying off the pitchers a bit, thus diluting his offensive pool. His new move of his location from an office to the floor of CSF’nB seems to have re-invigorated the future tycoon, he has been more crazy on his nights out, more insane in his bizarre rants about PBanJ and really weird in his picks for RSV. I mean No 1st baseman?! Weird. Really Weird, I think the rest of us threw Jeff off and he couldn’t adapt, but I wouldn’t say that out loud…cause I think he is on the juice. On individual picks I think you fell in love with Peralta last year and grabbed him a bit early, but that Injun team could surprise. On the flip side though I think you did better with your pitching then in past years CC Myers and Haren are a solid young 3 and all could thrive this year. Winston has always been right around the free food level, so who knows, maybe this is the year you take the cup and bring us to eat in one of your fancy joints…or we go to Vegas for Dinner and Massages…with release, RELEASE THE QUESTIONS:
1. How did the end double pick work out for you? Like it?
Take a look at my team. How the f$%^ do you think it worked out?
I have 14 middle infielders and no firstbasemen. How the f$%^ do you stay away from pitching for ten rounds and still not get a firstbasemen? I'll tell you how. You get gravy sandwiches at 7am with Wilson the night before.
2. How has living with Mike Herman been? Feel free to tell a
yarn.
Living with Mike is a hell of a lot easier than living with his girlfriend. She's a lunatic.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Especially considering the fact that I butchered the first ten rounds, I think my best pick was taking my first two pitchers in the 11th and 12th rounds. But who knows, those guys might blow up in my face. If I can be in the middle of the pack in pitchng this year, then I am happy. My worst pick was Cliff Floyd in the 7th. I mean seriously, what the f*&% was I thinking?
4. You are an offensive minded machine when it comes to draft day, stocks and scotch, you ever see that changing?
No.
Cheers to that amigo. I think you might be a bit too hard on your team, I don’t think you have many stand out players, but you have a lot of a lot if that makes sense. That roommate question was a bad one, I should have re-done my questions for you, especially considering you only gave me a one word answer on the last one…I will give you this one word…superkalafragilisticxpalidocius.
Commish Predicktion- Middle (4-8)
Mike Ryniec Hardy Har Harden
Mike, the king of kings at least 2 years ago, brought the ruckus to this years draft and for about 4 days post draft. The staggering out of the limo was classic. Staggering really. The draft will stay with him about as long as the mystery liquid will, I think it found a whole in your liver and is setting up shop. There is a saying out there that “The wasted are wasted on waste in wasteville wallowing in martyrdom”. It is not a very popular saying, and now I see the reason why, it is gibberish. Mikes team though, looks far from jibber jabber.
Going with a few popping fresh bats early allowed Mike to focus on the stuff he loves most….staffs…the dirty perv. Grabbing possible superstar Cabrera he felt confident to jump into the realm of the mound and it worked out, Schmidt Harden Street, sounds like a law firm. Young guns with Charlie Sheen, Scott Kazmir and Lou Diamond Phillips round out the best group of starters in the league, but the pen could leak a bit…Where was I? Ok 1 more comment before the questions. His team could strive to great things and the laughed at Drew pick wasn’t nearly as laughable as the O Hudson picked that followed, but I can remember laughing the whole weekend, so whose to say what pick I was laughing at….QUESTIONS!!!!
1. 4th round before a pitcher?!?! Honestly, how many shirts did you sweat through?
Quite a few shirts as a matter of fact, but none of it was pitcher related. I think this year's draft was wild for many MANY reasons, but one of the main trends seemed to be everyone being a little wary of any pitcher who wasn't named Johan. I just hoped a couple would stick around.
2. Any thoughts of moving your Bachelor Party to the Quarters in the Tropicana Hotel AC?
I gotta say, I am in love with AC. I don't know if it's fair to cross-promote, but Jay's Bachelor Jamberoo in conjunction with the Rockem Draft has opened me up to the town. Whether it's 11AM Jagerbombs at FireWater or Bouncing Between Bachelorette Party's with Family at Irish Pub. The Quarters are rockin'. In summation, I don't think it's about moving Bachelor Partys... it's about ADDITIONAL BACHELOR PARTYS!!!!!!!! ...or just drunken weekends... call 'em whatever helps.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
A possible "worst" pick is Jason Schmidt in the 4th just cuz I couldn't wait anymore for pitchers!!!! Early for Schmidt. One that i'm real happy with is J.J. Hardy in the last round.
4. On a scale of Godzilla to Adam Ant how bad was the Monday Morn Hang Over post RS 5?
I guess the toughest part of Monday was deciphering what indeed was hangover and what was my body just giving out from the general indifference i showed towards my well-being all weekend. The pure "hangover" Godzilla-ed up on tuesday and i didn't feel quite right 'till Paddy's Day... hmmm... where is Elizabeth Shue when you need her?
Ahhh the interventions are coming, just ask Lorieo and Fatone…they are here for us. So next weekend see you at the Irish Pub 11 o’clock for the first bachelorette party….Don’t be late bro.
As for the team, if your bull pen gets you enough cheap saves I think you got a shot…
Commish Predicktion- I think this team can crash and burn, but something smells lucky, maybe it’s the Redbull…Top 3rd (1-4)
Brian Kelly, C-Town Highpockets
BK was fired up for picking, and he was surprised at everything it seemed, even finding those chick pants in his bed, along with a number…now I am not saying he order some hired help, I am just inferring….Wait, not the good Catholic Brian Kelly, but you know what they say it is the quiet ones who pretend to dribble basketballs every where you need to look out for. Hey Poppy, you are going to be very happy with Big Papi, Poppy’s Papi’s will mash with Ortiz, Bay and Konerko, but the real strength of this squad is how well rounded they are. Players like Sizemore, Rowand, Renteria, Gomes, doing a little bit of everything, I don’t think offense will be an issue with this squad.
The Arms though I think can be questioned, the Pen is solid with Mo and Everyday (that Prankster), but the strongest starter on the squad isn’t even sure he will play baseball, I think BK needs the Rocket to rub the Icy Hot on his balls for one more season to dominate the pitching categories. I think he will pitch again, but even so, Zambrano will be solid, but Garcia Cain and crew might be a bit iffy. If it takes a few months for Clemens to get the I-Hot Anus flaring up then Kelly’s Hero’s may be looking to deal some of those well rounded dudes for bats…Hit it and Quit it with the Questions…
Last year you hated your team, this year you surprised yourself, what emotion if you had to forshadow, will the 2007 draft pull out of you?
Tough question -- to predict and project an emotion about a future random occurrance..........Most likely I will feel agonizing stress over a multitude of missed picks - simply because I ALWAYS feel that way (HARDEN!!)
2. What brought out the Razzoo style HOWL reading in your class, and do your students think your completely bonkers?
Looking for examples of free verse -- the effect of sound and emotion in
that style was the pedagogical purpose -- in my search I found some Whitman
and others, but I realized if I need to perform the effect of free verse
with passion I need to find one in my soul -- Linda (shot girl that sold
me), Salt, Pepper, Osterage and the wildness of Howl on Halloween in NOLA
simply filtered to the top and fit the presentation and Pedagogy.
They think I'm crazy, but all to my benefit. They understand that passion
actually does exist in words - only those that are bonkers can convey
passion, and they never know what will happen with this maniac in front of
them. Therefore they are on gaurd and engaged.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
(Best pick- Rocket
Worst pick Rocket)
That aside:
Best picks - Zambrano and Siezemore in the 4th and 5th - wanted both guys,
didn't think I'd get both - excited for those two
Worst picks - Freddy Garcia and John Garland -- not comfortable with them as
2-3 in the staff -- go Glavine!!
4. Which plucky honkey you got higher hopes for, Rowand or Barmes,or did I miss a cracker?
Barmes has better potential - as long as he avoids venison, but I have
higher hopes for Rowand. Thought he'd break out last year in C-Town - not
so. The Philly banbox, more chance to run, and my personal stubborn belief
that he WILL be good make me have hopes in that pluckin honky.
I believe in you, you plucky honkey…
Commish Predicktion- I think Roger’s playing and Playing well but I think he starts too late to get you the free food. Middle 1/3rd (5-8)
Wilson World, The Spearmint Rhinos
The strip club savvy savant with the red quaff and sour demeanor comes around and back to town straight up from the village of DC to the heathen forest of plastic AC. Eben was the only person who arrived in person (no phone love) not in the limo, so he missed that madness, but my guess is that his caffeine and nicotine fueled mind supplied enough surreal mayhem to keep the Merry Pranksters tripping for weeks.
He says he was prepared this year…ummhumm…prepared for what exactly? M. Young to carry his team to victory…the scary thing is he just might have been. Going strictly from the draft I would have to say Eben had a good one. Actually for Eben I might say a great one. Lee Young Carpenter Lidge Delgado are all stand out picks, but where Eben usually drifts off into the haze of purple nighties and a cheeseburger deluxe is the end of the draft…picks like Kinsler Zimmerman and Duke proves he did study up…or at least read a book. Don’t get me wrong it was far from perfect, some clunkers abound, Dye and 1 Kidney Cliff Floyd in the 7th are a bit silly, but over all this squad could contend…if there manager gives 2 shits. Question me?!? I question you!
1. Did the vibe of Casino chips, loose sluts/slots and cigarette smoke focus your drafting skills or side track your mind?
All the chips, slots and smokes were confusing, but I got in the zone
after Elton Ryniec belted out "Levon" whenever the idea of drafting Livan
Hernandez surfaced.
2. You drafted 2 Mets 2 Rockies 1 Red Sox and not one Yankee,by design? The thrill is gone? Pure luck/stupidity? What gives?
I steered clear of Yankees this year. Management is sick of finishing in
the lower quadrant so we opted to do everything opposite of our usual
instincts. This included forgoing to instict to draft all Yankees and it
even meant turning down a solicitation in the lobby of the Tropicana;
although admittedly the deal included a crazy pricing structure ($200 for
bj, $100 for full service???). The Spearmint Rhinos' strategy this year has
two principle edicts: the first is to beat Donohue & Winston and the second
is don't finish in the bottom 5. Sure, the Mets and Red Sox may indeed be
hollow institutions with a fickle fan base, but that doesn't mean they don't
have a decent player lingering here and there on their roster. So, yes, the
Rhinos have two Mets and a Red Sox. But we also have M. Young, or whatever,
meaning this year sushi will be served in DC.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
My BEST pick was Cliff Floyd's kidney. My WORST pick came at 5AM Sunday
morning via this fellow named Kwok, the Vietnamese blackjack dealer who
Winston said looked "friendly and just like Colonel Yin from Missing In
Action II: The Beginning".
4. One word, you run with it*Ireland*.
Missing in Ireland: The Ending.
Kudos to a fine draft this year buddy, Ireland will be an adventure to say the least, three bachelor parties (count them Count…AH…AH…AH) this year in Rockem Sockem…I should just go to sleep for the months of April and August when nothing is going down to save up my energy…but that won’t happen, and what will happen??? Will Neezer stay with this squad? Will Wedding worries and job searches throw him off his game? Will we road trip to DC for Sushi?!?!
Commish Predicktion- Is their an eclipse of something Top 1/3rd (1-4)
Jay Vigliucci, Italian Stallions
Well Vig I am figuring you aren’t checking your email, because it is probably filled with 13 movie offers, 6 book deals, a Vending Machine gig, David Lee Roth’s undies, and bottle of coke really filled with 151…ugh. It was a pleasure having you on the horn yet again, one weekend to draft, one weekend to yell out beasties lyrics at 5 am, both times in AC. Wild times my man and I hope you are serious about being here for Rockem Sockem VI, I was thinking about mailing out your shirt, but I might hold it ransom.
As far as your squad, you perplex me every year…look what I wrote last year:
The Look Like Bruschi’s always confound me when it comes to draft strategy. He makes daring picks and focus’s in on certain players, and I usually come away with the same thought, “Man the left coast has poisoned our brothers brain.” But he usually makes adjustments (great games coach that Vig) and manages to be in the middle of the pack.
The name has changed but the feelings remain the same…Your team is heavy on speed, got solid closers, but you made some real weird picks, I know you love the yanks but Mussina in the 9th?!? I am unsure about your draft style, but I am sure about the moves you make…And the fact you won’t answer these questions before I post this…so here are your questions, post the answers on the message board of the league when ever you can amigo. Prediction will follow:
Every year you seem to come in with a plan, this year it looked to be speed, and you stick too it no matter what, is that how it works, or is it just a coincidence?
Adroc, Mike D, or MCA and Why?
Your best and worst pick? Why?
Eben and Winston believe you are a disembodied voice who doesn’t really exist, does this bother you or are you trying to use that as strategy?
All right man, answer those when ever you can…Since I never have any idea with your squad…
Commish Predicktion- Middle of the pack (5-9)
Don Fatone, Dogzilla
The silent assassin was werewolfing in the corner and waiting for margaritas in the shade, but he dove teeth first into the board room and flung himself into the draft. Youth Movement that I predict for next year started right here this year, if I am a year behind fatty might be styling with Crawford and Utley 1-2, but after that he went old and white, Kent, Sweeney, Burnitz Borowski. Old White and Broken, Wood, and my favorite Old Broken and MEXI-MULLETED!! Welcome back Vinny, it’s been too long. On second look he button hooked me, this team is old, no Youth Movement, scratch this paragraph.
Age continues with the staff, Big Fricking Unit…That cheap MOFO!!!! I like the Colon grab in the 8th, much love and respect to that fat ass. Rest of staff is, well, like the Clap, fun to make jokes about but you never want to have it. Clement with the most horrible goatee this side of…well me. Derrick Lowe, who I wouldn’t trust with Michael Jacksons kids, and the previously mentioned human piece of glass, K. Wood. If If If with this squad…same as it ever was, but if the pieces come together who knows Dogzilla may be the one that makes your stink box sweat over free grub. GROSS! Questions:
1. Your piece of Ace pitcher who you pay 16 million a year is a dead beat, refusing to increase his payments to a child he's never seen*is this anyway to start off the season? And on a side note, how many children are failing to pay child support on?
Sure, he'll brush this off like he has the past 16 years...he's ready to
go. Perhaps though we can get her to throw out the first pitch this
season and quit her whimpering. Why is this a story, f*ckers!
2. Any strategy go into this year's draft, or was the simple plan of "get everyone else bombed on jager in between picks" in effect?
Fat chance of getting anybody in this league bombed drinking every other
two hours. No strategy, went in pretty blind just wanted to get best
available - that proved to become very tough around the 8th round...just like the marathon.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best pix, I'm gonna go look at my team, hope you don't mind be back in a
sec...I really don't like taking Crawford first but I may learn to like
it, really like Utley, Damon and Ensberg...lookin for Maglio to make a
comeback...worst pick not coming up with SS. My staff I like but I wish
Bull had Wood. I'll trade anybody my Wood for a decent closer.
5. Lie about what Dogzilla really means.
Dogzilla is really what I call my big toe when nobody's looking. My
podiatrist actually named it.
Overall I just don’t see it really flying for Fatty, too many questions in a questionable season, but the league is so tight it wouldn’t surprise me if he brought home the Gold Cup….ok it would surprise me a bit…
Commish Predicktion- Bottom 1/3rd of the league (9-12)
Eben’s hooking up my preview, but my thoughts on my team, to keep the collective stream of thought flowing…I drafted waaaaaaay two many questions…put myself in the same boat as most, but I need bounce backs from everyone, if I get all of them to play (Bonds Included) I think I got a shot at winning, but odds are that won’t happen, I see myself in the middle this year…but who knows…Whose Next?
Final Standings Predicktion-
Tom
Mike
Moon
Eben
BK
Donohue
Winston
Vig
Fatty
Bull
McNally
Ferrari
Maybe I am just being nice to the guys who are getting married, but hey somebody has too, they are getting married!! AH-BA-ZING!…whose the lucky lady Tommy? Oh Stop Me…ok ok.
Best of luck to all and to all a good OPENING DAY!!!! SEE YOU THERE AMIGOS!!!
Rockem Sockem V, it smells so ludicrous up in here up in here. Or maybe that was DMX, I am like the Beastie Boys we don’t listen to no hippyhoppy nowadaze. Anyway, we pimped out and tricked out in the 06 for RSV, and there ain’t no stopping us now. We have crossed the level of fun league to complete obsession and it feels really really comfy like two old sweaters…that are fucking.
You each got a little preview of how this preview is working (that sentence is bizarre). I started writing long intricate previews of the first team, and I had an idea how to get your input, and still give mine. So I wrote Intro and/or Outro paragraphs before reading the responses to the questions I sent you…eerie how sometimes things worked out, sometimes we repeat the same thoughts. (Hit the Twilight Zone Music…and pinball game).
I also decided to swing the question way because I seriously wanted to write a book about the draft, but thankfully Moon’s Bachelor Party happened and now both weekends are swimming together in my dome piece, now I am going to write a mini-series on both trips instead, but one that needs to air on HBO, just too raw and psychedelic for primetime. “Desperate Baseball Nerd Player Swap on Lost Island Soprano Style” is the working title.
Our longest draft since our inception saw an Irish Parade on a Boardwalk (a week too early), rounds of jager bombs, and me drafting a third baseman not even in the league. At least the Hinske pick was still the worst one ever…wait I made that one too. Uggh. Vig still lives in a phone, Eben still smokes like a champ, and Bull for once remained pretty much stunned in the draft room, uttering minimal references to old tv shows. AC was a knock out and the teams show it, things are scattered players are question marks all over the joint, but I think this has less to do with our draft then with the current state of baseball. There is a new breeze a blowin’ and it shifted a bit with this draft but I predict Rockem Sockem VI to contain a LOT more surprise picks of younger players, both early and often.
The times they are a changing, and with that we delve into the team by team preview.
Bull Walters, A-rod in Toms Mouth-
The champ from last year returns to obtain the reigning MVP with the first overall pick. It sounds rigged, and it was…no not really I just had a bit of Oyster Juice on my hands when I pulled his name out of my hat, and my hand slipped to the ballerina of all players Dennis. That is the first time I think I called him Dennis. After winning last year and drafting two pitchers in rounds 1 and 2 he went away from that plan, not taking a pitcher till the 5th and a starter until the 6th. With his two aces starting the year on the DL or at least close to it Bull will have to rely on his bats for a hot start and hope some guys like Petitte can hold till Sheets and Prior return. I will give my prediction on this squad (and the others) after we see the Questions:
1. Was it a Tough choice deciding between A-Rod and Pujols and as a second part to this, how did you like having the 1st pick?
No...you can't go wrong with either guy....I hate the Yankees but
they are on tv every game so at least I can watch.
The 1st pick sucks. A lot of guys fell past where the should have
been drafted and then by the 24th pick everything evens out again.
You just can't even guess who's gonna be there, especially when no
one went pitcher crazy.
2. Who was better in their prime, Al Bumbry or Curtis 'Booger' Armstrong?
(With finger turning in nose) I don't know!
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best: Grabbing 6 Relievers
Worst: Grabbing 6 Relievers (no way Nathan, Foulke, Valverde,
Orvella) rack up saves like Wickman, Chad Cordero, Lyon, and Ryan did
last year.
Actually who knows. Forget that Victor Martinez.....if I knew Mauer
would go in the 7th Round....I would have waited and grabbed Peavy or
Helton.
I actually am fine w/ Prior and Sheets. Roll of the dice.....but
they always pitch well when they play. Bruce Chen available?
4. Tell the truth was HOTS your favorite part of the trip?
No....Jay Moon's head is too effin big....couldn't see the tv!
Eating Crablegs at Hooters for breakfast was a special
treat...however I think Chad's (was that the douche's name)
hospitality on the way up took the cake.
Commish Predicktion- I think Bull slides this year, I just don’t see this team doing all that well I predict bottom 3rd of the league (9-12), but I also picked him to finish 7th last year so what do I know?
Jay A. Moon, Ephedraheartstoppers
So he pre-gamed his Bachelor party with a trip to AC to scout out the hot spots, and I think he stayed in after the marathon draft, good thing he saved his energy, last week was brutal on the Bachelor. He scored big with the large Pu-Pu in Saint Louis, some home town love with Reyes, and big hunk of cheese with his heartthrob Jason Varitek. If the AL east arms of Cabrera and Burnett produce like they are projected they might cushion the crushing blows that Dontrelle is currently serving up this spring…yikes, I hope for that sweaty kids sake he pulls it together.
Jay, like Bull, seemed a little in awe of the early pick and the swing, he had decent draft, and some odd choices, lets get to the questions…I will quit my yapping:
1.Compare the two AC trips*or do you plead the 5th?
I have to say that the most recent trip was better, but who can blame
me, it was my bachelor party and I had more ties in my face then
there were rounds in the draft. Oh and I was able to stay up for both
nights this past weekend. When in AC I am more of a casino gambling
man...I need the artificial air and adrenalin pumping of rolling the
point in craps. Wasn't feeling that love weekend one and my old bones
took over. Not saying I need to be the center of attention, just that I
was so pumped for weekend #2 that during weekend #1 I kept saying, I'll
be back in 2 weeks, so it took away its luster.....now the ride to and
from AC was definitely better weekend #1.
2.In the past you sometimes went bat heavy, in the Havana Room you went
P,P,P,P rounds 4 thru 8 any change in strategy or just the way the
cookie crumbled?
Actually, round 7 was Hank Blalock, so not so bad, but still very
a-typical. I definitely did more "research" this year and was more
effected by others picks than in past years. I had a few goals in this
years draft 1. Get a high pick and be sure to use it properly (Pujolos)
2. Don't draft injury prone players (Bonds, Rolen, Sexson, C. Guillen
etc...over the years injuries have killed me) 3. Big Steals and Big
Saves (Reyes / Frac Rod) 4. Experiment with young talent (D. Young and
F. Lirano, but missed out on Howard, Fielder, Weeks and others)
3.Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Worst pick based on position was Chris Young (round 21)...because Bull
then took a heartstopper regular, Scott Shields and by far a great
vulture win player and actually might have more wins then Young
depending on his season. I totally would have been able to get Young on
the way back. I did end up with Brazoban and hopefully Gange goes down
again. I've also already dropped three players, so they can be
considered bad picks as well (Monroe, Gathright and DeJesus)
Best pick is Reyes. Yes it's round 2 and all picks should be great, but
locking down steals is a welcomed relief. Oh, and I actually get to root
for a Met in fantasy. I don't have to switch to channel 120 ESPNews
every 5 minutes to see the bottom line and how my players are doing
while watching the Mets game, I can be satisfied to see the drag leadoff
bunt and 2 pitches later be on 3rd, sac fly, Mets WIN, Mets WIN!!!
4.Are those kids from Iowa actually your cousins or just some of the
craziest people you could find and figured they would spice up your
bachelor party (feel free to tell a story for the boys who missed them)?
My three cousins Matt, Jason and Greg from Iowa are actual blood
relatives. They are crazy, sometimes annoying, but sure do know how to
have a good time. There are so many stories to tell...but here are some
highlights. Chugging Captain from the bottle like he was in a Diet Coke
commercial at 10:00AM, "Just for the Taste of It!" ...Playing $400 hands
at single deck blackjack and $50 for the dealer and hitting Blackjack as
the crowd goes wild and the whole casino goes silent. In the cab from
club back to Taj telling the cab driver that if he turned around he
would see the two guys with him giving him a BJ, and he would pay him
$20 if he would just say 1 word (I wasn't there but you should get full
details from Don) and last but not least hustling $320 in welfare money
from a crack head at pool. Ship the Cheese.
That's all I got. Gotta get back to work.
Good Times, Good Times. J
Couldn’t have said it better myself Mr. Moon, Good Times, Good Times, the Back to Back AC trips I was dreading at first, and my wallet is still dreading, but I gotta say I had an absolute blast both weekends, and even sitting here now I can’t decide which was better, Props to your bro Jess for setting it up, props to all the peeps who made it down 1 of the 2 weekends and special props to the killers and 100 dollar billers who swung both trips. (Yes I just patted Fatty Mike Jay and myself on the back we are rockstars), As for your team, I like your solid approach, I don’t like your MI’s, and I think the staff may be shaky.
Commish Predicktion- Happy Birthday, merry Christmas, Congrats on Bach Party and wedding and oh yeah, free food (1-4)
Tom Gallagher, Ellen is a Beard
Well in opening up this Word document (which contains last year’s predictions as well) I noticed a trend…I like the way Gallagher drafts. I predicted him to win last years league and believe it or not, from the draft I am predicting him to win this years league as well. HA! TWO JINX’S IN A ROW SUCKER!!!! NO CHANCE YOU WIN NOW!
Glad I got that out of the way…There was a rumor that Tom has not taken off his Rockem Sockem Jersey since draft day, yet he has washed it 4 times. Maybe just a rumor or maybe Tom sleeps at an all night Bar/Laundromat, not so far fetched is it…well maybe the “sleep” part. I guess it comes down to this Tom, needs bounce back years from key guys, Thome, Schilling etc and I think he will get it. Now if they bounce back like cinder blocks off the Brooklyn Bridge well, he will he have to pony up the dough for dinner…Since we will be going to Chucky Cheese.
I think from top to bottom in the draft Tom’s team looks the most well rounded, but you know 1 injury to 1 key guy and it screws you, like Tom screws bartenders/chicks who are living with boyfriends/and….err…on to the questions!
1. By what date do you foresee a straight up Peavy for Halladay deal?
Approximately 48 hours before it is announced that Halladay is out
for the remainder of the year, virtually knocking you out of dinner
contention. God, Winston's so stupid!!!! What an asshole!!! (This isn't
going to be posted, right?)
2. People are saying your team looks to be the best on paper, how do you respond to that?
Fantasy baseball isn't played on paper. It's played on Fantasy.
That's we play the fake games. That being said, I think my fantasy
little squad of fantasy men that exist only in our heads looks pretty
good, but not so much better than anyone's else fake team. If hit with a
major injury, I just hope that I can fake sign a garden gnome or forest
nymph to fill the fantastical void.
Best pick and worst pick could be the same guy. If Thome stays
healthy and remotely approaches his past stature, then I got a steal.
Same could be said of Schilling. Nook Logan may not have been such a
great pick since he may not even be starting. But all in all, it's hard
for me to say that any pick that I've made is that bad as long as they
don't die half way through the season. The baseball DL is one thing, but
planet Earth's??? Tough for a team to recover. That being said, Daryl
Kile still gave me better fantasy stats than Edwin Jackson ever did for
anyone.
4. You seem to be a lighting rod for team names, do you attribute that to your wise ass attitude or your flowing blond locks?
It's hard to say...no it isn't. Bull clearly has an unhealthy
obsession with me. I think it has to do with my knowledge of various has
beens such as Sixto Lezcano and Gary Rajsich. I would be pretty
confident in saying that he's constantly thinking about me and making a
reference to me in his team name is his way of trying to get closer.
It's sad, really. I would bet that he sits at home watching "Dickie
Roberts: Former Child Star" repeatedly as a cheap replacement, although
I can't imagine he can get through the opening credits without giggling
uncontrollably once he sees the word "Dickie" on his screen.
McNally on the other hand is just misguided. He doesn't have the
passion to win. His only goal is to beat me. He doesn't have his eye on
the big prize. There's no fire in the belly. This lack of focus causes
him to skip over David Ortiz and forget that saves is a category every
year. Don's got himself a good head of hair, so it can't be the blonde
locks....though that could be cited as another reason for Bull.
Ahhh, I think there is supreme fodder here for new team names…
Commish Perdicktion- Two Years running I give you the preseason node…Your welcome (1-4)
John Ferrari, Torre A New One
John sweeks to avoid the whammy that I am placing on Tom for the second year in a row, by proclaiming he has a good team…mission accomplished. Just call me Not-sold-on-Chone-HATE-Sheff-One-Year-Wonder-Andruw-Hate him too Donohue and you will see why. Are they going to be bad fantasy players, probably not, but I hate those dudes and thus pray to Hey-Zeus that they fail. This takes nothing away from the great chilling last weekend, it’s strictly professional, but the issues stated above and the aces of Patterson and Lackey I am just not going to wager money on the Torries, I would rather bet on a The Whig Party….anyone anyone?!? Ah forget it. I all ready stated my onions, so lets move to the questions:
1. I use to put the whammy on your team by saying you had a good draft, I feel a bit different this year, does that give you hope of bringing home the Rockem Sockem Gold Cup?
I would have to say that this year would be my best team that I have
drafted to date and coupled with the fact that you don't think my team
is good should mean that Torre has the bar set high for excellence.
2. If you were forced to choose at gun point: Justice for All or Master of Puppets?
Master of Puppets, start to finish best album they put out. (COMMISH NOTE: This is the Right answer by the way.)
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best Picks: A Jones & G Sheffield
Worst: Not drafting a SS
4. Who do you think is winning the Stanley Cup? And where we watching it?
Ottawa
Bluesmoke - with St. Louis style ribs (COMMISH NOTE #2, these answers are correct as well.)
2 correct answers J-Fer, but unfortunately I am in disagreement that this is your best drafted team, but we will see who is right come September. We can ague before then when the Mets whoop it up on your braves at Shea.
Commish Perdicktion- Bottom of the League (9-12)
Don McNally, Beat Gallagher
I just typed your name into the file and Little Ghost by the White Stripes starts in the background. A sign for sure, but what kind of sign? Is your team not going to do much to please you and finish in last? Are you going to cast a spell and slide into first place thus telling the rest of the league to get behind you Satan? So many questions…speaking of questions I will jump to yours early and give you my ass-essment after them…Hold it now Hold it now…HIT IT!
1. Please explain your nickname Beaver, from your own point of view.
For the record, you're really out doing yourself this year, Commish... That
being said:
I don't know how it happened exactly, but it was on the Limo ride down.
Moon made some sort of Beaver reference (probably inspired by HOTS) and it
amused me in both the way he said it and the fact that I didn't think anyone
really used that as a term to refer to the female genitalia anymore... Next
thing I know, the league is calling me "Beaver". That's my point of view on
the subject but it could be slightly off considering all the alcohol
consumption.
2. No Olerud, No Chase Utley, is this why you put your team in the Lords hands, or is there an early favorite for Captain out there?
Good question. With my lack of a closer, I figured I'd be getting some
"Don, who's saving games for you?" questions. So, my answer is "Jesus
saves?". I put my faith in the Lord. Finishing touches on CHRIST FIELD are
happening as we speak. BTW, choosing a team captain for me is like thee song
of the summer... Everyone is eligible... I don't pick one, it just happens.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
I'm proud of getting Helton where I did, third round. I think that might
be my best pick.
I don't think this was my worst pick (there were so many), but taking King
Felix Hernandez where I did (4th round) was both early and risky.
4. Can you please perform Angel in the Centerfold at the midseason party, or at least bring some angels..or shots?
YES!! I will definitely perform Angel is a Centerfold at the midseason
party! As for bring Angels... Do we mean actual celestial angels? Anaheim
Angels? ... Or Charlie's Angels? Either way we should all drink shots.
I concur with that last sentence. But with your first one be warned...Flattery will get you everywhere, I changed my mind MCNALLY’S WINNING THE LEAGUE!!!!!
All right now that the laughs have subsided lets get too it, your squad looks like a Connect Four board with a game only just starting…lots of holes. I was going to drop a g@ng b@ng line in there, but nothing seemed to fit (Drumroll…..Cymbal crash!). As it’s been mentioned you have a real phobia for closers, but a real taste for the big power hitters, I am sold on a bounce back for Helton this year myself and was dreaming he would come back to me in the 3rd round so nice grab. The King is a great pick…for next year, but it is going to be so fun the 2 times you actually stay up to watch him pitch on the west coast…he is exciting, I would be more worried about the early Penny grab. Drafting everyone named Lopez was a little shaky, just thank god that Albie Lopez is out of the league. I hope Jesus can save because we know he can’t hit a curve ball, Don I hate to drop ya down in the pre ranks but I’m gonna….
Commish Predicktion- Bottom 1/3rd (9-12)
Jeffrey Winston, Zedmores Poles
Good to see the Poles back in action, Sadtay it’s ok, but Winston Zedmore has seen shit that will turn you white! Him and his fellow ghost busters were probably chasing Slimer around the Tropicana while Eben and Winston were arguing stocks and bonds over scotch. Credit must also be given to the younger stronger and more strapping lad Winston for staying up longer then his room sharing Commish both nights, here here pilgrim, lets see if you can keep that record going when we cross the pond for the next stop on the never ending freakouts known as Bachelor Parties.
Winston went his normal route sticking to his guns with the swing pick and picking offense, but this year the league threw a bit of a curve at him by laying off the pitchers a bit, thus diluting his offensive pool. His new move of his location from an office to the floor of CSF’nB seems to have re-invigorated the future tycoon, he has been more crazy on his nights out, more insane in his bizarre rants about PBanJ and really weird in his picks for RSV. I mean No 1st baseman?! Weird. Really Weird, I think the rest of us threw Jeff off and he couldn’t adapt, but I wouldn’t say that out loud…cause I think he is on the juice. On individual picks I think you fell in love with Peralta last year and grabbed him a bit early, but that Injun team could surprise. On the flip side though I think you did better with your pitching then in past years CC Myers and Haren are a solid young 3 and all could thrive this year. Winston has always been right around the free food level, so who knows, maybe this is the year you take the cup and bring us to eat in one of your fancy joints…or we go to Vegas for Dinner and Massages…with release, RELEASE THE QUESTIONS:
1. How did the end double pick work out for you? Like it?
Take a look at my team. How the f$%^ do you think it worked out?
I have 14 middle infielders and no firstbasemen. How the f$%^ do you stay away from pitching for ten rounds and still not get a firstbasemen? I'll tell you how. You get gravy sandwiches at 7am with Wilson the night before.
2. How has living with Mike Herman been? Feel free to tell a
yarn.
Living with Mike is a hell of a lot easier than living with his girlfriend. She's a lunatic.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Especially considering the fact that I butchered the first ten rounds, I think my best pick was taking my first two pitchers in the 11th and 12th rounds. But who knows, those guys might blow up in my face. If I can be in the middle of the pack in pitchng this year, then I am happy. My worst pick was Cliff Floyd in the 7th. I mean seriously, what the f*&% was I thinking?
4. You are an offensive minded machine when it comes to draft day, stocks and scotch, you ever see that changing?
No.
Cheers to that amigo. I think you might be a bit too hard on your team, I don’t think you have many stand out players, but you have a lot of a lot if that makes sense. That roommate question was a bad one, I should have re-done my questions for you, especially considering you only gave me a one word answer on the last one…I will give you this one word…superkalafragilisticxpalidocius.
Commish Predicktion- Middle (4-8)
Mike Ryniec Hardy Har Harden
Mike, the king of kings at least 2 years ago, brought the ruckus to this years draft and for about 4 days post draft. The staggering out of the limo was classic. Staggering really. The draft will stay with him about as long as the mystery liquid will, I think it found a whole in your liver and is setting up shop. There is a saying out there that “The wasted are wasted on waste in wasteville wallowing in martyrdom”. It is not a very popular saying, and now I see the reason why, it is gibberish. Mikes team though, looks far from jibber jabber.
Going with a few popping fresh bats early allowed Mike to focus on the stuff he loves most….staffs…the dirty perv. Grabbing possible superstar Cabrera he felt confident to jump into the realm of the mound and it worked out, Schmidt Harden Street, sounds like a law firm. Young guns with Charlie Sheen, Scott Kazmir and Lou Diamond Phillips round out the best group of starters in the league, but the pen could leak a bit…Where was I? Ok 1 more comment before the questions. His team could strive to great things and the laughed at Drew pick wasn’t nearly as laughable as the O Hudson picked that followed, but I can remember laughing the whole weekend, so whose to say what pick I was laughing at….QUESTIONS!!!!
1. 4th round before a pitcher?!?! Honestly, how many shirts did you sweat through?
Quite a few shirts as a matter of fact, but none of it was pitcher related. I think this year's draft was wild for many MANY reasons, but one of the main trends seemed to be everyone being a little wary of any pitcher who wasn't named Johan. I just hoped a couple would stick around.
2. Any thoughts of moving your Bachelor Party to the Quarters in the Tropicana Hotel AC?
I gotta say, I am in love with AC. I don't know if it's fair to cross-promote, but Jay's Bachelor Jamberoo in conjunction with the Rockem Draft has opened me up to the town. Whether it's 11AM Jagerbombs at FireWater or Bouncing Between Bachelorette Party's with Family at Irish Pub. The Quarters are rockin'. In summation, I don't think it's about moving Bachelor Partys... it's about ADDITIONAL BACHELOR PARTYS!!!!!!!! ...or just drunken weekends... call 'em whatever helps.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
A possible "worst" pick is Jason Schmidt in the 4th just cuz I couldn't wait anymore for pitchers!!!! Early for Schmidt. One that i'm real happy with is J.J. Hardy in the last round.
4. On a scale of Godzilla to Adam Ant how bad was the Monday Morn Hang Over post RS 5?
I guess the toughest part of Monday was deciphering what indeed was hangover and what was my body just giving out from the general indifference i showed towards my well-being all weekend. The pure "hangover" Godzilla-ed up on tuesday and i didn't feel quite right 'till Paddy's Day... hmmm... where is Elizabeth Shue when you need her?
Ahhh the interventions are coming, just ask Lorieo and Fatone…they are here for us. So next weekend see you at the Irish Pub 11 o’clock for the first bachelorette party….Don’t be late bro.
As for the team, if your bull pen gets you enough cheap saves I think you got a shot…
Commish Predicktion- I think this team can crash and burn, but something smells lucky, maybe it’s the Redbull…Top 3rd (1-4)
Brian Kelly, C-Town Highpockets
BK was fired up for picking, and he was surprised at everything it seemed, even finding those chick pants in his bed, along with a number…now I am not saying he order some hired help, I am just inferring….Wait, not the good Catholic Brian Kelly, but you know what they say it is the quiet ones who pretend to dribble basketballs every where you need to look out for. Hey Poppy, you are going to be very happy with Big Papi, Poppy’s Papi’s will mash with Ortiz, Bay and Konerko, but the real strength of this squad is how well rounded they are. Players like Sizemore, Rowand, Renteria, Gomes, doing a little bit of everything, I don’t think offense will be an issue with this squad.
The Arms though I think can be questioned, the Pen is solid with Mo and Everyday (that Prankster), but the strongest starter on the squad isn’t even sure he will play baseball, I think BK needs the Rocket to rub the Icy Hot on his balls for one more season to dominate the pitching categories. I think he will pitch again, but even so, Zambrano will be solid, but Garcia Cain and crew might be a bit iffy. If it takes a few months for Clemens to get the I-Hot Anus flaring up then Kelly’s Hero’s may be looking to deal some of those well rounded dudes for bats…Hit it and Quit it with the Questions…
Tough question -- to predict and project an emotion about a future random occurrance..........Most likely I will feel agonizing stress over a multitude of missed picks - simply because I ALWAYS feel that way (HARDEN!!)
2. What brought out the Razzoo style HOWL reading in your class, and do your students think your completely bonkers?
Looking for examples of free verse -- the effect of sound and emotion in
that style was the pedagogical purpose -- in my search I found some Whitman
and others, but I realized if I need to perform the effect of free verse
with passion I need to find one in my soul -- Linda (shot girl that sold
me), Salt, Pepper, Osterage and the wildness of Howl on Halloween in NOLA
simply filtered to the top and fit the presentation and Pedagogy.
They think I'm crazy, but all to my benefit. They understand that passion
actually does exist in words - only those that are bonkers can convey
passion, and they never know what will happen with this maniac in front of
them. Therefore they are on gaurd and engaged.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
(Best pick- Rocket
Worst pick Rocket)
That aside:
Best picks - Zambrano and Siezemore in the 4th and 5th - wanted both guys,
didn't think I'd get both - excited for those two
Worst picks - Freddy Garcia and John Garland -- not comfortable with them as
2-3 in the staff -- go Glavine!!
4. Which plucky honkey you got higher hopes for, Rowand or Barmes,or did I miss a cracker?
Barmes has better potential - as long as he avoids venison, but I have
higher hopes for Rowand. Thought he'd break out last year in C-Town - not
so. The Philly banbox, more chance to run, and my personal stubborn belief
that he WILL be good make me have hopes in that pluckin honky.
I believe in you, you plucky honkey…
Commish Predicktion- I think Roger’s playing and Playing well but I think he starts too late to get you the free food. Middle 1/3rd (5-8)
Wilson World, The Spearmint Rhinos
The strip club savvy savant with the red quaff and sour demeanor comes around and back to town straight up from the village of DC to the heathen forest of plastic AC. Eben was the only person who arrived in person (no phone love) not in the limo, so he missed that madness, but my guess is that his caffeine and nicotine fueled mind supplied enough surreal mayhem to keep the Merry Pranksters tripping for weeks.
He says he was prepared this year…ummhumm…prepared for what exactly? M. Young to carry his team to victory…the scary thing is he just might have been. Going strictly from the draft I would have to say Eben had a good one. Actually for Eben I might say a great one. Lee Young Carpenter Lidge Delgado are all stand out picks, but where Eben usually drifts off into the haze of purple nighties and a cheeseburger deluxe is the end of the draft…picks like Kinsler Zimmerman and Duke proves he did study up…or at least read a book. Don’t get me wrong it was far from perfect, some clunkers abound, Dye and 1 Kidney Cliff Floyd in the 7th are a bit silly, but over all this squad could contend…if there manager gives 2 shits. Question me?!? I question you!
1. Did the vibe of Casino chips, loose sluts/slots and cigarette smoke focus your drafting skills or side track your mind?
All the chips, slots and smokes were confusing, but I got in the zone
after Elton Ryniec belted out "Levon" whenever the idea of drafting Livan
Hernandez surfaced.
2. You drafted 2 Mets 2 Rockies 1 Red Sox and not one Yankee,by design? The thrill is gone? Pure luck/stupidity? What gives?
I steered clear of Yankees this year. Management is sick of finishing in
the lower quadrant so we opted to do everything opposite of our usual
instincts. This included forgoing to instict to draft all Yankees and it
even meant turning down a solicitation in the lobby of the Tropicana;
although admittedly the deal included a crazy pricing structure ($200 for
bj, $100 for full service???). The Spearmint Rhinos' strategy this year has
two principle edicts: the first is to beat Donohue & Winston and the second
is don't finish in the bottom 5. Sure, the Mets and Red Sox may indeed be
hollow institutions with a fickle fan base, but that doesn't mean they don't
have a decent player lingering here and there on their roster. So, yes, the
Rhinos have two Mets and a Red Sox. But we also have M. Young, or whatever,
meaning this year sushi will be served in DC.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
My BEST pick was Cliff Floyd's kidney. My WORST pick came at 5AM Sunday
morning via this fellow named Kwok, the Vietnamese blackjack dealer who
Winston said looked "friendly and just like Colonel Yin from Missing In
Action II: The Beginning".
4. One word, you run with it*Ireland*.
Missing in Ireland: The Ending.
Kudos to a fine draft this year buddy, Ireland will be an adventure to say the least, three bachelor parties (count them Count…AH…AH…AH) this year in Rockem Sockem…I should just go to sleep for the months of April and August when nothing is going down to save up my energy…but that won’t happen, and what will happen??? Will Neezer stay with this squad? Will Wedding worries and job searches throw him off his game? Will we road trip to DC for Sushi?!?!
Commish Predicktion- Is their an eclipse of something Top 1/3rd (1-4)
Jay Vigliucci, Italian Stallions
Well Vig I am figuring you aren’t checking your email, because it is probably filled with 13 movie offers, 6 book deals, a Vending Machine gig, David Lee Roth’s undies, and bottle of coke really filled with 151…ugh. It was a pleasure having you on the horn yet again, one weekend to draft, one weekend to yell out beasties lyrics at 5 am, both times in AC. Wild times my man and I hope you are serious about being here for Rockem Sockem VI, I was thinking about mailing out your shirt, but I might hold it ransom.
As far as your squad, you perplex me every year…look what I wrote last year:
The Look Like Bruschi’s always confound me when it comes to draft strategy. He makes daring picks and focus’s in on certain players, and I usually come away with the same thought, “Man the left coast has poisoned our brothers brain.” But he usually makes adjustments (great games coach that Vig) and manages to be in the middle of the pack.
The name has changed but the feelings remain the same…Your team is heavy on speed, got solid closers, but you made some real weird picks, I know you love the yanks but Mussina in the 9th?!? I am unsure about your draft style, but I am sure about the moves you make…And the fact you won’t answer these questions before I post this…so here are your questions, post the answers on the message board of the league when ever you can amigo. Prediction will follow:
- Every year you seem to come in with a plan, this year it looked to be speed, and you stick too it no matter what, is that how it works, or is it just a coincidence?
- Adroc, Mike D, or MCA and Why?
- Your best and worst pick? Why?
- Eben and Winston believe you are a disembodied voice who doesn’t really exist, does this bother you or are you trying to use that as strategy?
All right man, answer those when ever you can…Since I never have any idea with your squad…Commish Predicktion- Middle of the pack (5-9)
Don Fatone, Dogzilla
The silent assassin was werewolfing in the corner and waiting for margaritas in the shade, but he dove teeth first into the board room and flung himself into the draft. Youth Movement that I predict for next year started right here this year, if I am a year behind fatty might be styling with Crawford and Utley 1-2, but after that he went old and white, Kent, Sweeney, Burnitz Borowski. Old White and Broken, Wood, and my favorite Old Broken and MEXI-MULLETED!! Welcome back Vinny, it’s been too long. On second look he button hooked me, this team is old, no Youth Movement, scratch this paragraph.
Age continues with the staff, Big Fricking Unit…That cheap MOFO!!!! I like the Colon grab in the 8th, much love and respect to that fat ass. Rest of staff is, well, like the Clap, fun to make jokes about but you never want to have it. Clement with the most horrible goatee this side of…well me. Derrick Lowe, who I wouldn’t trust with Michael Jacksons kids, and the previously mentioned human piece of glass, K. Wood. If If If with this squad…same as it ever was, but if the pieces come together who knows Dogzilla may be the one that makes your stink box sweat over free grub. GROSS! Questions:
1. Your piece of Ace pitcher who you pay 16 million a year is a dead beat, refusing to increase his payments to a child he's never seen*is this anyway to start off the season? And on a side note, how many children are failing to pay child support on?
Sure, he'll brush this off like he has the past 16 years...he's ready to
go. Perhaps though we can get her to throw out the first pitch this
season and quit her whimpering. Why is this a story, f*ckers!
2. Any strategy go into this year's draft, or was the simple plan of "get everyone else bombed on jager in between picks" in effect?
Fat chance of getting anybody in this league bombed drinking every other
two hours. No strategy, went in pretty blind just wanted to get best
available - that proved to become very tough around the 8th round...just like the marathon.
3. Who were your best and worst picks? Why?
Best pix, I'm gonna go look at my team, hope you don't mind be back in a
sec...I really don't like taking Crawford first but I may learn to like
it, really like Utley, Damon and Ensberg...lookin for Maglio to make a
comeback...worst pick not coming up with SS. My staff I like but I wish
Bull had Wood. I'll trade anybody my Wood for a decent closer.
5. Lie about what Dogzilla really means.
Dogzilla is really what I call my big toe when nobody's looking. My
podiatrist actually named it.
Overall I just don’t see it really flying for Fatty, too many questions in a questionable season, but the league is so tight it wouldn’t surprise me if he brought home the Gold Cup….ok it would surprise me a bit…
Commish Predicktion- Bottom 1/3rd of the league (9-12)
Eben’s hooking up my preview, but my thoughts on my team, to keep the collective stream of thought flowing…I drafted waaaaaaay two many questions…put myself in the same boat as most, but I need bounce backs from everyone, if I get all of them to play (Bonds Included) I think I got a shot at winning, but odds are that won’t happen, I see myself in the middle this year…but who knows…Whose Next?
Final Standings Predicktion-
Maybe I am just being nice to the guys who are getting married, but hey somebody has too, they are getting married!! AH-BA-ZING!…whose the lucky lady Tommy? Oh Stop Me…ok ok.
Best of luck to all and to all a good OPENING DAY!!!! SEE YOU THERE AMIGOS!!!